This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
