I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
