Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
