Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
