I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
