it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
