I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
