A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sext me about skeletons
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
