I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
