he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
