At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
