we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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