my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
