Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
