If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
