its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
