so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
