My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
