conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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