shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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