dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
