mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
