I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
