Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
