I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
