Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
