Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
