Apparently you make a good broom.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
