I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I believe in your delicious
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
