oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
