they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
