Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
