where am i from again
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
