He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
