There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
