I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
