her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
