nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
