i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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