She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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