just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize