people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
