At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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