I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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