I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
