Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
