Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
