Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
