i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
