1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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