This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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