And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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