I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
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Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
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The feeling are messing with the penis
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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