I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
