he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
