I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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