my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
