its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
