Don't you send me to vm
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
