After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
