He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
