we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
