Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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