I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
