So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
